Words That People Should Know, Not Usually Taught in School

Glossary

© like everything else on this website, definitions are copyright 2011- Linda Freedman, PhD, LCSW, LMFT
Anonymity—the omniscience associated with Internet relationships; the opportunity to mask one’s identity or impersonate.  Anonymity emboldens predators who seek personal gain or sexual relationships via electronic communication.

Bullying—a type of relationship abuse characterized by exclusion, physical attacks, and/or  name-calling.  On-line, it is called Cyber Bullying.  Adults are victims of Cyber Stalking.
Coercion—by virtue of authority, one person is able to convince, persuade, or blackmail another into behaving in ways that hurt or shame, an abuse of power.  Coercion is associated with holding rewards in abeyance for lack of compliance to morally disagreeable acts, firing, hiring, withholding wages or advancement, and negative evaluations, grades, or job reviews.
Empathy— having the ability to feel the feelings of others, or at least recognizing the feelings of others intellectually.
Gaming, media, and social network addictions— addiction is implied when productivity or learning is impaired, and when other relationships outside the social network or game suffer.  Research that grades and work performance is impaired by the compulsion to play or to network indicates developmental delay associated with withdrawal from the “real world” and responsibility.

Hostile environment—a work, school, or play atmosphere characterized by threats and disrespect, fear of retaliation for refusing to participate in sexual demands.  A hostile environment can be defined by upsetting sexual or racial/ethnic communication.  The Civil Rights Act of 1964 entitles workers and student to emotional safety at school and work, a respectful environment. (read more)  MAG,add the rest of the definitions any way you want, obviously.  I threw in Read More because that’s what I see everywhere.

Informed consent—sexual relationships, even some those that may seem consensual, are not always legal.   Informed consent , a legal term, implies that the persons who agree to relations are not impaired by substances, are not impaired mentally, and are of majority age.

Internet predators—thought to be individuals who troll (search) the Internet for psychologically vulnerable people, maybe children, but also trusting people who need friends.  The predator develops a relationship, usually through a social networking site, and grooms it to obtain sexual favors or financial gain, i.e., money or pornography.

Litigation — the threat of law suits and damages is always inherent when corporate, team, civil, or school social rules, rules that are not work related are scoffed, when individuals cross psychological, sexual, or physical boundaries.

Pedophilia—a mental disorder, a paraphilia, according to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental and Behavioral Disorders-IV-TR (DSM-IV-TR, 2000).  Pedophilia is defined as having a sexual preference for prepubescent children.  That preference is manifested in persistent and recurrent thoughts, fantasies, urges, sexual arousal, or behavior.

Pornography and sexual exploitation—Internet predators seek out and groom teenagers, but also children and adults to supply an ever-growing demand for media and photographs with sexual content.  Because some targets are not old enough to provide informed consent, teens and prepubescent children are vulnerable to sexual exploitation, and ultimately, even sex addictions.

Position of authority – anyone who has the power to influence decisions by virtue of age, position, or rank.  Being in a position of authority enables people to exert unfair influence, to exploit those who are in subdominant roles, breaching what should be trust.

Protected classes — legal designated “classes” include biological sex, age, ethnicity, race, disability, religion, national origin, or sexual identification.   The spirit behind the Civil Rights Act of 1964 is that everyone should be treated the same at work and at school.  The protected classes also include other groups, i.e., veterans.  Amendments that vary from state to state.

Relationship system— we start with one system, ourselves (made of many biological systems) and add family, partners, friends, people and institutions in the community, work colleagues and administrators, and find that we are a part of several of networks, or systems of relationships.

Sex addiction— an obsession with sexual gratification or sexual behavior.  Exposure to pornography at a young age seems to be associated with obsessive thoughts about sex that don’t disappear with growth and development.  Many think that sex addictions begin very young, probably due to experience with sexual abuse, or exposure to pornography.

Sexting—sending photographs or videos with sexual content over electronic media, i.e., cell phones and computers.  These are easily copied and disseminated, causing shame, embarrassment, and psychological distress for victims.

Sexual harassment – (also see unwanted sexual communication and hostile environment)  On the scale of sexual assault, sexual harassment is often less physical, more often with words and pictures.  It is always emotionally upsetting and psychologically invasive if not physically aggressive.  The mere suggestion of desired sexual behavior or a body part might be sexual harassment, especially if it is repeated and disturbing.   Examples:
A sexual joke about someone’s sexual behavior, perhaps where that person slept the night before.  Patting someone, touching, even gently, and saying something about a body part, when the touch and the comment are unwanted.  Publicly saying things like:

I really put it to her! 

Even privately saying:  I want some of what you’ve got.

Suggesting:  Go out with me, or you might just lose your job.

Social Intelligence  —knowing when behavior or words will stress someone or will make them happy.  It is also referred to as a social or emotional IQ, and having empathy, feeling the feelings of others.

Social skill—a having a behavioral repertoire that makes others comfortable in social situations.  Socially skilled individuals usually have the ability to feel the feelings of others, but don’t always.

Unwelcome sexual communication— a wide spectrum of undesired communication, i.e., sharing and sending unsolicited pornography, leering, stalking, coercion for sex, threatening job loss, unwanted touch, making offensive jokes.

Verbal abuse – more than a spouse calling another spouse a bad name, or making a sarcastic comment.  It is more than calling an employee stupid or incompetent.  It is even more than calling a player a disgrace.  (link “player a disgrace” to Team Wise).

It is also verbal abuse to threaten, to intimidate, scare, or coerce.  Whenever words convey something negative, whenever they directly insult or imply someone is deficient in a mean way, the interaction might be considered verbally abusive, a form or relationship violence.  These are allbuzz words for harassment litigation.

 

ServiceWise

Pride in the Public Eye

Because our lawmakers and civil servants have to put the people first.

We take it for granted, assume, that our city, county, state and federal officials are honest, that they operate with our best interests in mind. Our country has a militia, a military with several arms, the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and that these have special departments, like the Navy Seals who found Osama Ben Ladin.

Being in the public eye, our public servants, including the police and fire departments and the National Guard, need to be exemplary, must put the people first.

To serve and for some of our officials, protect— that’s the goal. When public officials are accused of illegal acts, commit behaviors unbecoming to those representing their constituents, those of us who pay their salaries with our taxes, we have a right to demand that they take themselves more seriously. They represent who we are.

Rationalizations and the details of public scandals go viral, become newsworthy as sexual and financial abuse. Congressmen sexting, officers involved in sexual assault, officials involved in corruption, on the take—these behaviors undermine the integrity of office. Americans follow the news, and aren’t necessarily forgiving.

A little awareness about relationship violence, boundaries, and the cost o f losing the public trust, and none of it has to happen. When it does, it can be recognized and stopped.

SERVICE WISE is about keeping public servants accountable, holding onto the public pride in our country.

CorporateWise

Relationship-smart business cultures

Everyone knows that discrimination and sexual harassment are illegal, as are other types of relationship abuse. Employees fear of authority and job loss, don’t tell about harassment until it is too late. By that time, the damage is done, and someone is liable. Students fear the repercussions of bad grades. Teachers are also vulnerable to discrimination and sexual harassment, but face a difficult job market if they leave, and social isolation, possibly, if they tell.

The very threat of relationship violence, especially sexual molestation or assault, makes most of us fearful, anxious, and depressed. Work performance suffers, too, and absenteeism rises. It is a form of psychological abuse, too, the stuff of obsessions and bad dreams. And it is against the law.

When a person suffers an ethnic joke, or is insulted by a racial slur. The protected classes include— sex, age, ethnicity, race, disability, religion, national origin, and sexual identification. And more (veteran status, etc). The spirit behind the law is that everyone should be treated the same. Even joking, bringing pornography to work or watching it online, poking fun of individual traits of any sort, crosses the line.

When individuals suffer, when the workplace (or school) becomes a hostile environment, reports to the EEOC or a civil lawsuit might follow. ANY unwelcome sexual communication or racial comments, references to someone’s personal identity, might be evidence of criminal behavior or neglect on the part of an employer.

CORPORATE WISE workshops don’t preach. We just engage our participants. The subject matter, for most of people, is captivating.

Corporate sexual harassment prevention

TeamWise

Smarter Players, Smarter Coaches

Because athletes are heroes. And our kids want to be just like them.

Sports are ruled by drive and energy; we reward talent and strength. But players, even coaches, can feel the rush of the game, and they sometimes feel entitled to break rules, think they earned the privilege with hard work, training, and having a fan base. They don’t always get what they might be doing wrong in relationships.

And this makes individuals and teams and team owners liable. Emotional, physical, financial and sexual safety can be compromised. Because athletes are heroes, even coaches, celebrities to their fans, they need to be careful in relationships, both on and off the field.

Because kids want to be just like them.

Fans don’t want to hear about violent episodes, often associated with alcohol and substance abuse, and the DUI’s are disappointing. They don’t want to hear about sexting or child abuse, certainly not pedophilia, or anyone associated with the team to be accused of acquaintance rape, or date rape, or any other type of relationship abuse.

They want strength with dignity. Litigation, needless to say, wastes valuable resources and time.

Team relationship training

Separate player and coach workshops

Empathy education for critical event risk reduction

TEAM WISE had to be created, mainly because culturally we hold athletes in high esteem. Wearing the uniform shouldn’t jeopardize anyone, not even the team.

Harassment in sports

SchoolWise

Teaching Relationship Safety

It isn’t new, romantic teacher-student relationships. Nor is bullying and teasing, often about sexual things. Body-image, social status, and mental health can be harmed in that supposedly idyllic setting—school. And teens, younger than ever before, are committing suicide.

These stories are exploited, even romanticized on popular television shows and in the movies. But whenever there’s a power differential, whenever one partner is in a position of authority or can coerce behavior with grades or job performance, the risk of harm and litigation is woven into the relationship, too.

It is not pedophilia when post-pubescent adolescents are targeted by predators. Teens are sought out for the purposes of pornography and sexual exploitation, but the perpetrators in these cases aren’t technically pedophiles. What are they? We talk with kids, parents, faculty and administrators about these things, when no one else, will.

Bullying, exclusion, molestation, social network and game addiction, too, should be addressed where we find the kids—in schools and in camps and community centers. Their people, the adults charged with their welfare, need to be educated, too, so we’ll talk to the PTA, and certainly teachers at in-service programs.

School harassment